"H"

 

 

 

   While on routine patrol this week, on day shifts, I was contacted by "Officer Bilbo Baggins". He told me that he was going to make a stop and was going to need my assistance. He explained that I had a camera and mic where as he did not. He told me that this was a potential DUI stop. I passed him going to his location and witnessed him making the stop. I pulled arond him and stopped behind the vehicle at a an angle. and got out ot make contact. We aproached the vehicle and I could smell alcohol as I reached the rear bumper. What! I love daytime U I's. I asked "Officer Bilbo Baggins" If he was FST certified and he told me he was not. Surprise! Surprise! I took the stop over and performed the FST's. Here in Idaho we do the gaze and nystagmus, the walk and turn and the one leg stand. "Citizen madam martini" displayed nystagmus at all phases of that test and failed the two others. I told her she was under arrest and asked her to turn around she did not comply right away I asked her a couple more times and before she volunteered to be the first suspect to be tazed in my jurisdiction she decided to do my bidding.

 

   At the Jail she was booked and she performed a breath sample test which she scored a .19/.19 BAC. At 3:30 in the afternoon ....you got to be kidding me. If she had not threatened to kill "Officer Bilbo Baggins" I would kind of feel sorry for her. that is quite the drinking problem... or........ I guess you could say she is really good at drinking. I really do hope she gets some help. Nobody deserves to have a liver that resembles Ted Kennedys'......... nobody.

 

 

               Private,

                    Eater of chocolate bunnies

 

"H"

 

 

   

   It snowed again here in lovely Idaho, 3 new inches. What the hell! Where am I!. It was just starting to melt off and show the signs of spring. The smelly clouds rolling into town, spring fever domestics, and my grass was actually starting to green. No! Idaho will not have it! ................. I think it is time to break out my own hula girl.

 

 

  Her real name is "kalua" and she lives in my patrol car along with "Plastic Jesus" and "Red Budda". When I am feeling alittle odd or "scoobish" ( my term for hinky ) I put "plastic Jesus" on my dash. If I am running code to a bar fight I try to put up "Red Budda" and rub his belly for luck In the fighting arts of japan, in Which I have trained. 

 

  Now it is past due for spring and the warming of the tundra. "Kalua" must rise from her hibernation and give warmth through her hip twirling dance of spring. I will drive every street in town, while she is on my dash, so that she may spread love and warm weather to this "Plastic Jesus" forsaken area of the world.

 

 

                                       Private,

                                            Hates the cold 

     

 

 

  

"H"

 

 

    Ya! you heard me right my town stinks........ Let me explain. The town I live in and work for is a great little Idaho town of about 10,000 People. It has world class fly fishing on the South fork of the Snake River, It has a pretty booming economy and has got plenty of patato processing plants to confirm that, Yes! This is Idaho.

 

    Just this evening, not more than an hour ago, I was in our squad room talking with "Detective stress rash". he decided that it was time for him to get home to the family and as we stepped out of the squad room we were assaulted by the most nose hair curling scent I have smelled scince moving to rural Idaho. It was something like a cow patty that had been boiled in raw sewage and served with haggis juice (if Haggis could be juiced)............... with a hint of lime. No kidding ....Lime. Our fist thought was that " Officer air biscut", one of our co workers that has acidic gas, had used the bathroom and not warned us or at least notified the HAZMAT unit. We kept on moving through the haze and made our way upstairs to dispatch. It was at this point that I realized that the smell was comming from outside.

 

I was afraid... really, I was afraid. I thought that I should run home and wipe lambs blood on my door jam so the destroying angel would'nt kill my first born son. It was that bad. You can see form the included picture what this smell did to me. 

 

 "Detective stress rash", who is a native, told me that this smell was nothing. He told me that when the patato plants drain there sumps and scrap bins during the summer, some really nasty clouds roll in.

 

Gee I can't wait! 

 

 

There is a larger more detailed version of the photo in the slide show .

 

"H"

 

 

   So the same day that I got my ass shocked off I had the opportunity to meet some pretty cool kids that had been in a traffic accident. The had not realized that the turn on to the highway was approaching so fast. they missed it, but the driver tried to make the turn anyway. The truck hit some gravel and slid off the road and into one of the highway sign groups. The truck was completly jammed into the steel poles and it was amazing that no one got hurt.

 

These kids were great and we got to talk about alot of things while we waited for the drug dog to come sniff out their truck ( ya I know I'm a butthole ). They were from out of state and in a few cases out of the country. they were all Americans from military or embassy families if I remember correctly. These kids were great even though I put them through the wringer. We talked mostly about my fear of electricity and the impending electricution. We also covered one size fits all pants from Tailand and of course my all time favorite topic ....... Star Wars.

 

I wish all contacts with the public could be like this. We took some photos and I told them I would put them on my space. They are included up top as a slide show.

 

 

                                     Private,

                                           wishes he had a light saber.