"H & S"

 

 

   Hello everyone! I know. I know. I haven't been around lately and have been remis in my blogging duites. Well let me catch you up on the last couple of months. This is entiled haouse keeping and that is what I am doing. I'm gonna get all the stuff that should have been put on this blog during the past while and get it out of my house ( brain ).

 

  So one night I am cruising down main street in my pimpin Crown Vic. When all of the sudden I see a large congregation out in front of one of our more popular bars. A large male was being pushed against the wall by another male and there apeared to be alot of yelling going on. I stopped my vehicle and chirpped my siren. everybody began to spred out. I was questioning a few on scene including one of the bouncers I know and this drunk idiot who we shall name "Citizen retarded leprechan" continued to screem obcenities at people and kept challenging people to fight. He was told by "Bouncer Likes to eat alot" to cool off and go back into the bar.

 

   While I was finishing the questioning "Citizen runs like a girl" ran off into the alley. there was about 20 people between me and him or I probably would have chased him but I decided scince everyone kept screeming get back here "runs Like a girl", and "Officer looks hot in a uniform" thats the guy who started it his name is " runs Like a Girl", I decided to catch up with him later. I called for some back up to pund the block and see if we could locate "runs Like a Girl" I then went back into the bar and "citizen retarded leprechan" was still yelling and calling people on I went up to him and began to question him and he became extremely hostile to me He kept acusing me of being after his licky charms or pot of gold or some crazy stuff. I placed him into cuffs and told him he was under arrest for disturbing the peace. I then placed him against a large pillar that was next to the dance floor and ordered him to spred his feet so that I could pat him down. In his infinite wisdom "retarded leprechan" decided that he was going to fight me, Cuffs on or not...... ya I know..... Like I said "RETARDED leprechan"! he pushed off against the pillar and tried to turn on me. needless to say I "helped" him to the ground. He later bonded out and failed to apear so now I am after his pot of gold. Life rocks!

 

   On the political front the city here is going to need a new police station because when the new jail is done the sheriffs office and the city police will be splitting up. Acording to one of the particularly crusty city council members told someone that we could do our reports on a park bench for all she cared. well I have included some pictures of my proposal for new sqaud cars to help ease the cities financial burden. One picture is me with the patrol vehicle, It would look great on post cards for tourists. The second picture is a dramatization of how a fellony traffic stop would be conducted with the proposed vehicles. Let me know what you think.  

 

   One thing that is going great is ........ drum roll please.........I got promoted to detective. I start my regular detective shift as soon as the new patrol guy is out on his own. By the way the new guy is the reserve officer whos driveway "citizen pees himself drunk" passed out on. I find it interesting that I am now a detective, my real middle name is Richard,and I get called a dick alot. Just a thought. Coincidence? ......... I think not!.

 

               Detective,

                        "Gets called dick alot"

"H"

 

 

   Every town has one. My town? We have 6, but "citizen pees himself blind" is my favorite. He is one of our town drunks and probably the worst. He is relatively harmless because he can't drive or ride a bike beacause he has no eyes. He lost them in some type of industrial accident.

 

   I first dealt with him on my second night of FTO. He was calling us complaining that there was a cat in his appartment. We arrived and could'nt find any cat so we cleared. The second time I was needed by him was the fith night on FTO. He told us that he was beeing threatened by somebody but he could not tell us who because they would kill him..... bla... bla.. bla. You know the normal crap that comes out of a half crazy drunk guy.

 

   This normal routine continued for about a year and then he started getting kind of freaky. Now he wanders the streets in a huge millitary parka..... in the summer! He swings his cane at unsuspecting trees and beats shrubs like he is looking for illegal imigrants.

 

   I was running traffic on a stop sign one day and had my camera on watching the sign. I saw "Citizen pees himself blind" walking down the street towards a huge pile of pruned branches on the side of the road. He was on a direct collision course for the pile. So I turned my camera to catch the action and watched as the antics ensued.

 

   I felt kind of bad for that for a while untill a one of our bars asked us to escort him out of the establishment. When I arrived he was sucking on a beer bottle and sitting in a puddle of his own piss. We ended up having to fight him. After we had him semi contained the bartender gave me some crumpled up Washingtons and told me they belonged to "Citizen pees himself blind". I reached over and put them in his back pocket and he swung at me with his free hand. Needles to say I dumped him but you ca't feel good about executing a sweet technique on a blind drunk. I picked him up and he accused me of trying to steel his wallet. I told him that I was actually putting his money back in his pocket and he told me to F--k off.

 

  This last week I found him passed out in one of our reserve officers driveway. His pockets were full of beers and he had an open one in his hand. I tried to wake him up but he would not come to. I was afraid that he would not be able to breath very well flat on his back and in the heat so I attempted to move him to his side recovery position. As I grabbed the beer to move it out of his hand (which apparently woke him up) he jerked his hand up and threw beer all over my uniform. I continued to take the beer and threw it in the gutter while he cried about ass face cops that steel his beer. I then took all the beer that was in his pockets and threw them away. I took his beer because I was afraid that if he drank anymore he might die, and now that he was awake and seemed to be able to walk I told him to go home, which he did.

 

   Maybe I am a bad person but to be honest I don't know if I should pity this guy, hate him, or even bother with him anymore. 

 

 

             Private

                   Smells like beer.

"H"

 

 

   I was going to title this entry "I am the great white Beaver hunter" but I thought that it would sound a little too much like an adult site. I really am glad I chose to be a cop in small town Idaho. Where else would the cheif tell me to go out to the sewer lagoons and hunt beaver. The tale is as follows.

 

  There I was driving up and down the blocks of the buzzing metropolis that is my town. When the sound of a bomb droping ( the cell phone ring I have assigned to the chiefs number ) starts echoing from my pocket. I aswered it and was ordered by the chief to meet Jim with city works out at the sewer lagoons on 500 North. The chief told me that they had a beaver infestation ( ya, I was laughing inside.) Being the 1st calvary Viet Nam vet that he is he told me that I WOULD  track, locate and kill at least one beaver, and that I WOULD Bring him back a peice of it's tail to confirm the kill.

 

   I circled the lagoons for about 1 hour. I had chosen My patrol shotgun as my weapon for the hunt, but I replaced the slugs with some 4 an 2 shot I had left from duck and goose season. Not that I cared about shooting lead into the sewer lagoons, I don't think that the turds would get lead poisoning, I just thought that the shot size was more appropriate. I was not having any luck and decided that I would report back and take the chewing from the boss man. I could just hear him.

  " You what! how do you expect to catch drug dealers, theives and other criminals that have human minds if you can't track and kill a damn beaver! Get out of my sight you worthless maggot!......Oh ya the department photos are next week be sure to shine you boots and look nice for the camera lady.....Who am I!...... what was I saying!   ...... Right!  Get out of my sight and get me a damn BEAVER!!!!"

 

  I was driving my patrol car on the access bank when I spotted the bastard beaver out of the corner of my eye. I slamed the vehicle into park and grabbed my shotgun. I approached the shore of the poo pond and spotted the beaver swimming about 30 yards out I raked a few rounds over him and he felt the sting. He dove and I thought I had lost my chance, but he came back up and I let a few more fly. I saw some pink water gush on the last round and he went butt end up flinching and kicking in a circle that drew him nearer and nearer to the shore. When he reached about 3 feet from the shore I plugged him good with one last round.........He sank into the sulfur murk and I was not about to fish that thing out for the piece of tail to confirm the kill. Luckily Jim was still near by breaking up what can only described as "turd pods" that were clogging some grates. Jim rushed over during the volley of gunfire ( ya the beaver had a gun too ) he saw it sink and vouched for the kill with the chief.

 

I am the great white beaver hunter!......... In a non XXX way! 

 

 

 

          Private,

              kills beaver with gun

"H"

 

 

   I have not been able to put up an entry for a while but I do have a good reason. This last week department sent me to Ground Fighting instructor school. This was a great experience........If you like pain!.. which if you look at alot of my life choices you will see that I do. This class consisted of Gracie Jujitsu based police defense tactics. No, this was nothing unfamiliar to me. I have studied martial arts for over 14 years and I was stoked to go to this class. Most of my 14 years has been studying and teaching a traditional Japanese style of Karate. but in no way am I uncofortable on My back. (I know that sounds really bad)

 

  All in all it was a great class and other than the fact that I sweated more in this class than bike patrol certification. I had a great time. We did have quite a few injuries though. the class was full of some people that either: A. did not know their own strength   B. Knew their own strength and did'nt care. Or    C. Though they had to prove something. This resulted in one set of cracked ribs, a torn groin and a broken fibula and dislocated ankle.

 

  What About Private Floor Mop? You may ask. I am fine. Little sore and the upper inside area of my biceps makes me look like a domestic abuse victim or perhaps a smack addict with and interesting choice of injection sites. But really I had a blast and any pain I experienced will be taken out on the officers that are crazy enough to sign up for the training when I offer it to the local departments. Hey I paid my dues, they will pay theirs.

 

    If you are reading this and you are in one of the local departments I have some advice: Start running and get in shape you know how I love to make you sweat, and you may want to start conditioning your bones by striking palm trees with various parts of your body.... ok that might be a bit much but I am serious about the running thing.

 

 

 

               Private,

                     Floor mop

 

"S"

 

 

   Sometimes I miss old parts of my life. I used to be really involved with the arts, but that part of my life has taken a back seat since becoming a police officer. I don't regret any choices I have made but I look back on the way I was and wish for more creative outlets. Maybe thats why I started this space. I can be creative here and no one can stop me.

 

  I have a friend that I played in a band with. As a band we  were alright, but when me and Friend "Big forehead" would get together and write music we were great. We recorded a song or two and I placed one here on my space for your enjoyment. It is an instrumental piece called "music for elevators". I started off playing classical and spanish guitar and then moved into more contemporary style. You can here the spanish influence and it has kind of a "bosa nova" feel. Friend "Big forehead" is the backup guitar and I am on the solo or melody. Enjoy!

 

 

        Private,

               Sings in the shower.

"H"

 

 

 

 

   Work has been really slow lately....I am pretty sure that is a good thing but sometimes I wish for a foot pursuit or something, but it just does not seem to be coming. I also know I need to be careful about wishing for such things. Last time I wished for some excitement was while I was on FTO and we had a double homicide. Pretty messy one to complete with a cut up body in the kitchen, one in the bedroom and a frightened six year old girl calling us on 911. Lest I jinx myself, I shall not continue.

 

   While sitting in the dispatch area,toninght at the begining of my shift. I could not stop thinking about these Tyson brand buffalo wings that I found a couple of nights ago. Our local grocery store was having one of those sales where they give you 10% off of any frozen foods you can fit in a bag.  I was going straight for the Ben and Jerry's when I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Tyson buffalo chicken wings. I had not had this brand before because I am allergic to MSG and Tyson uses it most all of their chicken products. I stopped and checked the ingredients and lo and behold no MSG. I took a box to give them a try and ........... ya!......they rock my world! you know they are good when your lips swell up and you feel like you just got out of an O.C. class. I coughed and my nose ran.........and I ran right back to the store to fill a bag full of Tyson buffalo chicken wings. The best part? The boxes are the right size so you can fit almost 12 boxes in one of the 10% off bags.

 

   So I am sitting in dispatch and I blurt out that I may have found ambrosia in the form of buffalo wings, or at least a type of manna that the israelites would have killed for, and I got the strangest looks from the dispatch crew.

 

   DON'T JUDGE ME DISPATCHERS! I am human and subject to the sin of gluttony as is every one of you. I will have my buffalo wings, and I will have them all the way to HELL! the sizzling heat of the sauce will prepare my flesh for the exquisite pain that I will experience while Satan punishes me by eating Tyson buffalo chicken wings infront of me while I must abide on oatmeal (without even brown sugar) for eternity....

 

   Well... at least my lips will be prepared. 

 

 

              Private,

                  Hot lips

 

"H"

 

 

 

   While on routine patrol this week, on day shifts, I was contacted by "Officer Bilbo Baggins". He told me that he was going to make a stop and was going to need my assistance. He explained that I had a camera and mic where as he did not. He told me that this was a potential DUI stop. I passed him going to his location and witnessed him making the stop. I pulled arond him and stopped behind the vehicle at a an angle. and got out ot make contact. We aproached the vehicle and I could smell alcohol as I reached the rear bumper. What! I love daytime U I's. I asked "Officer Bilbo Baggins" If he was FST certified and he told me he was not. Surprise! Surprise! I took the stop over and performed the FST's. Here in Idaho we do the gaze and nystagmus, the walk and turn and the one leg stand. "Citizen madam martini" displayed nystagmus at all phases of that test and failed the two others. I told her she was under arrest and asked her to turn around she did not comply right away I asked her a couple more times and before she volunteered to be the first suspect to be tazed in my jurisdiction she decided to do my bidding.

 

   At the Jail she was booked and she performed a breath sample test which she scored a .19/.19 BAC. At 3:30 in the afternoon ....you got to be kidding me. If she had not threatened to kill "Officer Bilbo Baggins" I would kind of feel sorry for her. that is quite the drinking problem... or........ I guess you could say she is really good at drinking. I really do hope she gets some help. Nobody deserves to have a liver that resembles Ted Kennedys'......... nobody.

 

 

               Private,

                    Eater of chocolate bunnies

 

"H"

 

 

   

   It snowed again here in lovely Idaho, 3 new inches. What the hell! Where am I!. It was just starting to melt off and show the signs of spring. The smelly clouds rolling into town, spring fever domestics, and my grass was actually starting to green. No! Idaho will not have it! ................. I think it is time to break out my own hula girl.

 

 

  Her real name is "kalua" and she lives in my patrol car along with "Plastic Jesus" and "Red Budda". When I am feeling alittle odd or "scoobish" ( my term for hinky ) I put "plastic Jesus" on my dash. If I am running code to a bar fight I try to put up "Red Budda" and rub his belly for luck In the fighting arts of japan, in Which I have trained. 

 

  Now it is past due for spring and the warming of the tundra. "Kalua" must rise from her hibernation and give warmth through her hip twirling dance of spring. I will drive every street in town, while she is on my dash, so that she may spread love and warm weather to this "Plastic Jesus" forsaken area of the world.

 

 

                                       Private,

                                            Hates the cold 

     

 

 

  

"H"

 

 

    Ya! you heard me right my town stinks........ Let me explain. The town I live in and work for is a great little Idaho town of about 10,000 People. It has world class fly fishing on the South fork of the Snake River, It has a pretty booming economy and has got plenty of patato processing plants to confirm that, Yes! This is Idaho.

 

    Just this evening, not more than an hour ago, I was in our squad room talking with "Detective stress rash". he decided that it was time for him to get home to the family and as we stepped out of the squad room we were assaulted by the most nose hair curling scent I have smelled scince moving to rural Idaho. It was something like a cow patty that had been boiled in raw sewage and served with haggis juice (if Haggis could be juiced)............... with a hint of lime. No kidding ....Lime. Our fist thought was that " Officer air biscut", one of our co workers that has acidic gas, had used the bathroom and not warned us or at least notified the HAZMAT unit. We kept on moving through the haze and made our way upstairs to dispatch. It was at this point that I realized that the smell was comming from outside.

 

I was afraid... really, I was afraid. I thought that I should run home and wipe lambs blood on my door jam so the destroying angel would'nt kill my first born son. It was that bad. You can see form the included picture what this smell did to me. 

 

 "Detective stress rash", who is a native, told me that this smell was nothing. He told me that when the patato plants drain there sumps and scrap bins during the summer, some really nasty clouds roll in.

 

Gee I can't wait! 

 

 

There is a larger more detailed version of the photo in the slide show .

 

"H"

 

 

   So the same day that I got my ass shocked off I had the opportunity to meet some pretty cool kids that had been in a traffic accident. The had not realized that the turn on to the highway was approaching so fast. they missed it, but the driver tried to make the turn anyway. The truck hit some gravel and slid off the road and into one of the highway sign groups. The truck was completly jammed into the steel poles and it was amazing that no one got hurt.

 

These kids were great and we got to talk about alot of things while we waited for the drug dog to come sniff out their truck ( ya I know I'm a butthole ). They were from out of state and in a few cases out of the country. they were all Americans from military or embassy families if I remember correctly. These kids were great even though I put them through the wringer. We talked mostly about my fear of electricity and the impending electricution. We also covered one size fits all pants from Tailand and of course my all time favorite topic ....... Star Wars.

 

I wish all contacts with the public could be like this. We took some photos and I told them I would put them on my space. They are included up top as a slide show.

 

 

                                     Private,

                                           wishes he had a light saber.

"H"

         Update: as of 02/20/06 the video is not playing automatically on NTSmaddogs space.  SGT. Italian that hates garlic, made us take it off untill we get consent to show it from all that were involved. I see his side and of course he is a SGT. so we follow his orders, but it if you look carefully at Maddogs place you will find a similar version.

   If you have not heard by now, I would like to inform all of you that the Taser International X26 is an Evil, EVIL device developed by Satan and his followers, and is the most effective tool law enforcement has to date.

 

   It affects everyone differently but the out come is always the same. Incapacitation and one way ticket to the County Jail. Some of us groaned like frankestiens monster, others howled, and some made no sound at all. Me?   I screemed little school girl with a skined knee. I even asked them to "Stop!.......PLEASE!" the other guys thought that the stress put me into training mode and I had yelled "Stop! POLICE!" Well I am an honest School girl and told them that was not the case.

 

   I also have a completly irrational fear of carbon monoxide (see last entry), and electricity. I think it stems from the fact that I have had two open heart surguries and they have given me a sinus arythmia. This tool is completely safe. I have never had any restrictions on activity or taken meds for my heart but it still freaks me out. My cardiologist said that my risk was the same as everyone else. but he would not recomend it to anyone, healthy or not. He said it was my choice. I chose to do it. The electricity does not affect cardiac tissue or rythms at all. I am evidence of that. It does, however, produce and deliver 50,000 volts at .0036 amps at 26 watts. or what I like to call five seconds of hell delivered through two small wires.

 

   Bottom line. If a man in blue is pointing one of these at you, please for the love of all things holy and good do what he says. Trust what I say.  Please think of the children and just comply with the orders.

 

   If you would like to see this applied to yours truly visit NTSmaddogs space. there is a link to it on my space. He is a Deputy for the county the City I work for is in and we train together. He is the shizzle and screams like Frankenstiens monster. My name in this feature film is "Uno" because that's what they call me in these parts.

 

 

                                                 Private,

                                                       Screams like school girl.

"H"

 

Hello again,

   It has been a while scince I have been able to write. I just got back from a couple of week long trainings and have been completely swamped with court and the such. this entry wis to catch everyone up on what exciting and dangersous things my life has included recently.

   I believe it was somewhere around the 28th of Jan. I was working a midnight and me and the wife were both pretty much in a bad mood. The stupid thing is the mood wasn't even something we could control. Our gas furnace had gone out a few days earlier and had cost us a bundle to have some high school shop drop out come over to my house and replace a $40.00 dollar part that took four minutes and cost $90.00 in labor. Thats right $130.00  for a five minute fix that I could have done.

   So we were mad at the situation and I was worked up to a lather. Skip ahead to the 28th. It is about midnight I decide to call my wife and say good night and all that dripping gooey stuff. No answer. You see this is very odd to me because my wife is never asleep at this time of night. She is usuallly watching a Tivo'ed episode of Dancing Wtih the Stars or something else. And if she is asleep she wakes up at the slightest noise.I try to call her about 6 times over the next hour and get nothing. I am starting to worry at this point because of the work we had done on the furnace, and I have a completly irrational fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. I don't even know if natural gas produces CO. and I don't care, what ever it produces can't be good for you.

   I know what you are thinking. " Hey Private Tower you live in a small town, why don't you just go home and go inside and check on them? "  ......................   BECAUSE I FORGOT MY KEYS! They were left on my gun locker.

   I still went home though, thinking that maybe if I pounded on the door she might awake if she was asleep. I pounded and pounded on the door for about ten minutes. Still no answer. I went to our bedroom window and pounded on it for awhile and still no answer. I was worried and wentback to the front door. I then put my experience and expertise to work. I kicked my door in like my wife was cooking meth. It was locked both on the knob and the dead bolt. It took one kick. I was impressed with my self and figued that the heroic amount of noise produced would wake anyone out of any sleep, drug induced or not. Nothing. I went into the bedroom and there she was asleep, and she remained that way until I woke her up.

   It seems she had fallen into a deep sleep and was not awakened by any of my attempts. I told her what I had done and she flipped out on me.    

   Come on! I thought it would be romantic that I was worried about her so much that I would kick in my door to drag her lifeless, cherry red body out of the house. But no. Thats not romantic. According to her it was stupid and irrational. Well I don't think so, and I would do it again. The door jam didn't even blow out like it usually does when you kick in a door with a dead bolt. It was an easy fix. The door is actually stronger now and I will include some pictures of the repair job.  Why did my wife get mad over this?

 

 

 

                                                     Private,

                                                            Has big feet but unfortunately

                                                            is proof that the wives tale is

                                                            not true.

"H", "S"

 

 

 

      So this week at work I had an experience that started out gratifying and ended the next day being frustrating. The two key players in this have had their names changed for obvious reasons that I have mentioned.

 

      So here I am driving the streets of my fair city looking for evil doers as I usually do, When the dispatcher who shall be know as, dispatcher likes to drink tea, calls me on my cell phone and tells me that her recently exed and estranged husband just called her at work and told her he was going to kill himself. Ex husband muppet mouth then asked her if she wanted to come over and watch? First a little back ground, Which I have been given permision by, dispatcher likes to drink tea, to release.

 

     So Ex husband muppet mouth is a long time alcoholic, verbaly and emotionaly abusive, and over the past few months has been making this wonderful co worker of mines life a living hell. He has made suicide threats and has made comments to family members that someday when she comes home he would be waiting with a gun to shoot her brains out. Ya, a real peach. He is named muppet mouth because his beard is quite muppetous and reminds me of a salt and pepper Elmo.

 

     Needless to say I now have a credible witness to a suicide threat. This guy has access to a number of firearms and has a violent temper. I responded to the residence and could see his vehicle in the driveway. I requested more units to respond because of the possible danger and sensitivity of the situation.

 

    Well more units responded............ About five within two minutes. Awsome!  We cops don't like one of our own being emotionaly abused.

 

    Everything went like it was read out of text book. the support units contained and surounded the house as I aproached the house. I knocked and Ex husband muppet mouth answered. I entered the home and had a conversation with him. He told me that he was going to commit suicide and that he did'nt know what he was going to do if we left. With that in mind I gave him a nice pair of braclets that actually went well with his jeans and flannel shirt.

 

    I took him down to the hospital were he was observed and placed on a mental protective hold to be reviewed by a shrink. All good right, he gets some help and our dispatcher gets a break. No. They released him in the morning with some numbers to call if he gets frustrated.. YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! This guy is a walking time bomb and he possibly might not just kill himself he could take some people with him. I told the doctor in my affidavit the history of threats and abuse. Muppet mouth told me how he planned to do it. he told me he was going to use a butcher knife because his kids took his guns. And I told the doctor that. I am starting to think Tom Cruise is right. psycology might be a psudo-science.

 

   His self let blood wont be on my hands. Maybe he won't bleed. Maybe when he uses the butcher knife on himself, only small amounts of foam stuffing and faux fur will come out. 

 

   But probably not.

 

 

 

                                                 Private,

                                                       loves to eat Flinstones vitamins

 

 

 

 

 "H"

 

 

Hello everybody,

 

      I was recently contacted by and individual who has an interesting question. She wants to know if pressing the pedestrian cross walk button to cycle the light, making her nightly journey go quicker, is illegal. Now I am going to speak from the point of view of a Idaho cop. No, I don't belive that that would be illegal, but she lives in Tex ass so I don't really know for sure. As long as the person that exits the vehicle doesn't impead traffic or cause an undue danger to themselves or others and uses a cross walk you will probably be ok.

 

     Now that I said that you will probably get cited for it and if that happens I have two requests.

 

Reqest one: I request that you do not use this communication in court or mention this "my place".

 

Request two:  Go to court and tell the cop that cited you for it that he should pick on drug dealers or try stopping a vehicle that might have a drunk driver in it instead of picking on a nursing student that is just going out for some down time with her buds and has a valid point about the maintenance of her cities traffic signals.

 

 

                                                       Love,

                                                           Private ate too much tonight.

                                                                                                               

Hey. just thought I would put some ground rules on the blog comments and such. Seeing as how this will probably turn into a sounding board for frustrations and other fun rantings, lets keep this as anonymus and informal as possible. For example, if I was to tell you a funny story or mabey say something in jest that should not be taken seriously, I will put a "H"  in the upper corner showing that the following is ment to be humorus, ie Jokes, rants funy stories. If the comment is going to be a serious one I will put a "S" in the upper corner showing that the following is to be taken seriously, ie deaths, hard cases, officer down notification etc.

 

Also specific name will not be used I will, and hope that you will to, use a naming system following the native american naming style.

 

example:   Deputy squeaky foot  or Officer air biscut.

 

I will use this same system  when I speak about citizens.

 

 

Example:  Citizen drinks alot or Citizen walks with limp

 

Hopefully this will add to you enjoyment and aid in supressing some offense.

 

                                                                                                             Love

                                                                                                                Private wears to much cologne   

Hello, My name is sam. I am a Police Officer in small town Idaho. I have a rather cavernous mouth that occasionally gets me in trouble with other officers that think a sense of humor, self depreciating or otherwise, is a detriment to the law enforcement community. To them I say..........Stick it!   It is what keeps me sane. If you can't take a joke what are you doing in such a high stress, potentially dangerous, ulcer inducing, and thankless job. Lighten up please. I wear a badge just like you and I beleve in justice just like you. I just happen to think that humans, Including me, are interesting and strange animals.

 

That being said, if I offened anyone please know that the things I may write here and say in person are to be taken with a bag of salt, not just a grain. And I promiss you, I can take as much as I can give.

 

If you are not a law enforcement officer please ask any questions that you may have about tickets, Idaho laws and the such, just know that you will probably not get the answer that you want from me.

 

(example1)   Q:  Private Tower, I got a speeding ticket. should I fight it ?

                  

                   A: Don't be silly. We are trained professionals. Pay your ticket and stop wasting tax payer money by taking up valuble court time. We don't cite people for obeying the law, so you probable won't get anywhere fighting it.

 

 

(example2)   Q: Private Tower, I got pulled over and this cop was a total jerk to me.

 

                     Clarification:  Did you get a ticket?

 

                     Q: No

 

                     A: sounds like he was pretty nice to you ... would you like me to change your diaper?

 

Like I said these things that are said are suposed to be humorus to mainly police officers or the public that has a good sense of humor. Please enjoy the space and if you don't complain I will keep mine to a minimmum.

 

Enjoy.